Going Blind: From Fanfiction to Reese’s Book Club | How to Reinvent Yourself as a Writer w/ Kevin Chung
Madonna. Babs Bunny. Sophia Chang.
The trifecta of reinvention.
Chung and Chang (not a doctor’s office) gab about how going blind led to incredibly smutty Harry Potter fanfiction and eventually my writing career. Don’t miss:
Are your asian parents right?
Should you be a Writer or Accountant? This FREE Decision Tree Will Tell You!Read Full Transcript
Sophia Chang (00:00)
I made a promise to myself and to all the women and people of color out there that I would be brave so you can see what it looks like and so you could do it.
Hey everyone, I'm Sophia. I am a Reese's Book Club LitUp fellow, host of the Sophia Chang Show podcast. Books, Biceps, and No B.S. I am also a former film and TV actor and dancer and the world's first iPod silhouette, which used to mean something. And now the kids go, "What's an iPod?"
Kevin: Yeah, that's so funny how you can go from being so famous to nobody knowing what an iPod is if you're under thirty years old.
Sophia: How we fall.
Kevin: So can you talk about your upbringing and what you aspired to be? I think you said you wanted to be a superstar. Did that turn out? Did that not turn out? And how have you reinvented yourself over time?
Sophia: So my mother says that I was very clear on wanting to be the most famous person on earth since I was like three years old. I really idolized Madonna, who to me was the queen of reinvention. She constantly reinvented herself to stay relevant and she's still doing that. I wanted to be an actor and a dancer since I was really little. I've been performing on stage since I was four years old and I've been writing since I was about five. So those are the only two things I've ever loved doing in my entire life.
I remember in college when I was auditioning for this acapella group, which I did not get because I am terrible. They asked me who my idol was. And I said, Babs Bunny from Tiny Toons. She basically is the female Bugs Bunny. And what I liked about her is she had this really strong core. She had this huge charisma. She was her own personality, but she could also put on any costume and with a snap of her finger, turn into someone else — whoever she had to be to like break into a bank, you know, do whatever. And I felt like that was me. I was very strongly myself, but I could also be what I had to be for whatever role I was as an actor. And so the reinvention thing has always been a through line for me.
Kevin: I love how you said that. That's funny, from Tiny Toons. That was such a great show.
Sophia: I would love to know, Henry, if you saw my silhouette. So the silhouettes were extremely racial. You could tell our race, even though we were just a black silhouette. There was like me, the first one, and I had two little Chun-Li buns. And there was the Black guy with the fro. There was the Latina with the big bushy hair. Like it was racist even in a silhouette. So I'm curious whether you saw it. Mine's the green one.
Kevin: It's interesting because there's no way to really demonstrate — I guess you could go either universal where it just looks like a person. Indiscriminate. Well, even saying that, it's always defaulted to like a white person default. And a male.
Sophia: Yeah. Way too male.
Reinvention as Survival
So, you know, I thought a lot about when you said let's talk about reinvention. And I realized that when I see reinvention, I see it as survival. Reinvention and survival. It's not one of those marketing ploys and it's not — it's especially not like the self-help people who are always like, "Yeah, just follow your bliss. Yeah, reinvent yourself. You gotta just transform your cocoon." And that hasn't been my story.
And it's not identity politics either, which is like in college when I was like, "I'm a lesbian, not a bisexual," because lesbian just sounds so much stronger and like more decisive. But I had to be like, you know what? No, stop that. Stop putting on titles that aren't you because I'm just your regular annoying bisexual. That's just what I am. And you can't just put on a title. That's not reinvention. That's just like playing around with monikers and tags.
So reinvention isn't any of this for me. For me, reinvention has always been forced change. Some people talk about post-traumatic growth. A lot of us, we are forced into reinventing ourselves by circumstance. And that has always been my biggest reinventions. And I talk about the post-traumatic growth because when I hit rock bottom, that's when my biggest transformation happens. I talk about this in my own podcast, Episode 74, "I'm a Failure" — the real reason why I started the podcast — and I talk about how you have to hit your worst and then that actually is the most freeing.
To me, yeah, reinvention is — it's not a pretty thing and it doesn't feel good.
Kevin: Yeah, I think most times it's an event or a series of events that leads you to take a look at your life, what has led up to it, and whether or not you want to make a change in it. For better, for worse, I think you need to make a decision like, this is not going the way I expected it to. You can either continue the path that you're on and be unhappy with it, or you can figure out what is it in my life that I need to do to change it around. And usually it's because of some outside force that's like, okay, reevaluate your life, I think.
Going Blind and Wheelchair-Bound
Sophia: Absolutely. And in a lot of cases — there are some cases where you can't even go on your feet. You're not even allowed to go on. You just hit that dead end. When you asked me about this subject, there were two instances right away that I thought of, and the first one was going blind and ending up in a wheelchair. So that's one of those instances where you can't go on. I can't keep dancing. I can't keep writing. I literally can't. I was physically unable to.
For those of you who don't know me, I have MOG antibody disease, which is almost identical to multiple sclerosis. So it's what we call a demyelinating disease. You've got all these — you've got these fun little lesions all in your central nervous system and in your brain. And your nerves just can't fire properly. And so a lot of us, we go blind a lot. And so before you guys like freak out — this is actually normal. If you talk to some MS people, they'll be like, "I've gone blind so many times."
So sometimes we'll go blind, our vision will come back or it'll come back partially. And so that's what happened to me. And same thing, we come in and out of wheelchairs. We have flares and so sometimes we can't walk. Sometimes we can walk kind of. Sometimes we can walk only a little bit. Sometimes we can walk. I was diagnosed in 2018 and before that, I had lost my eyesight and that was just the worst part of my life because it wasn't like going slowly blind where you know you're gonna go blind. Suddenly I have this whiteout and so there's this white spot in my eye and it was getting bigger and bigger and bigger every day until I couldn't see anymore.
And you're just like, is this my life? And you're not used to it. You don't know how to even survive. This is a time when audiobooks weren't a huge thing yet.
When it slowly came back, it didn't completely come back. And so I still have some blurry, kind of shaking vision in one eye, which is why I always only do audio messages with my friends. You know, same thing when I was in the wheelchair — I was like, am I gonna walk again? My neurologist is like, "I think you'll walk again." And I'm like, "You think?" You know, and right before that, I had been an aerial acrobat. I'm a level two certified international pole fitness instructor.
And to go from dangling, you know, Cirque du Soleil, to not knowing if you're going to walk again is a huge slap. And so it was really traumatizing. And you really get to know who your real friends are at the time. It was not a lot. You know, there's a lot of — a lot of people did leave. It's really difficult for people to see disability.
So that was my first forced reinvention where I hit rock bottom. I had nothing left to lose. And because of that, I wouldn't have my novel career if that didn't happen to me. Because when that happened, when my eyesight finally started to come back and I seized on it — I'm like, okay, I'm going to write my way out of this. That is what I do. All of my traumatic things, I just write my way through it. And so I just started writing whatever I wanted to.
Harry Potter Fanfiction Smut
And I started writing really, really smutty Harry Potter fan fiction.
Kevin: Yeah, go on. You cannot stop there. I think that's like an interesting choice, not only because Harry Potter is not known to be like that — so why did you choose that?
Sophia: If you enter the fan fiction world, Harry Potter is quite known to be like that. Fan fiction world is — like if you want to take the spiciest romance you've ever read and then add 10 chili peppers to it, that's fan fiction world. Fan fiction world has no boundaries. There are things where you're just like, I didn't know that could go into that. I didn't want it to. I was just writing anything I wanted. I wrote about Severus Snape, who I know is a very polarizing character, but I love him. He's the hero of the book.
And I met a bunch of friends that way. Other than Cho Chang, there are no Asians in Harry Potter. So I started creating it. And since my last name is Chang, I created a character who was Cho Chang's older cousin. I had to create so much lore that was appropriate for Asians, Asian Americans, Asian Brits, and just diaspora Asians, that I ended up creating too much original stuff. And I realized this is no longer a fan fiction. I'm writing my own. And so I started to write my own. I started to actually expand out a world and build a world. And that book got me the Reese's Book Club fellowship.
Kevin: Nice. Did you have to apply for that or was that something — like what is the —
Sophia: Yes. Yeah, no, yeah, I beat out over 800 people. In your face. I say, hey people, be a gracious loser, but be a sore winner. You gotta celebrate yourself.
Kevin: Is this published anywhere?
Sophia: Yeah, I took down the dirtiest of the smuts because I was afraid that I would get canceled when people inevitably found out who I was. And I also took down the one that had Cho Chang's cousin in it. People still asked me — they were like, where is that book? I'm like, it's in the Room of Requirement.
It's typical too — when you get an agent, a lot of people take down their fan fiction because now we're professionals and we have to be professional. Except now it's the opposite. Now I wish I had kept it out. See, I made so many mistakes. Like I wish I had kept it out because I probably could have put it up on TikTok and then I would be like multi-published.
Kevin: So someday somebody's gonna go and excavate this and be like, I didn't know Harry Potter had that.
Sophia: I have no doubt.
The Extroverted Writer Manifesto
Sophia: Yeah, no, I have some crazy life stories. That's why I was so offended when I put a survey out to my readers and people were like, "We want query tips, not your stories." Because here's the thing — when you have crazy stories like this, it makes your writing that much better.
I stand for extroverted writers, for writers whose lives and personas are even bigger than our writing. Like there's nothing wrong with that. They're always like, you have to disappear behind your writing. I'm like, no. Me — I am what makes my writing my writing. I am the voice.
Like everyone's like, "Your stuff is so voicey." I'm like, I'm so voicey.
Kevin: I'm not really sure who's giving us advice about not being yourself, but that seems like a very poor way to approach your writing. I don't care if you're introverted, extroverted. If you try to switch the toggle and go the opposite side, it's not going to work because it doesn't feel like you and people are going to see it right away.
Like my writing in particular — me is like internal. It's heavy, like thoughts and stuff versus like actions. So it's like the opposite. If I tried to do like heavy action or whatever, like being extroverted — that might not work. I would have to do a lot of research.
Sophia: Right? Like you tell the truth. This is what you're actually thinking.
Kevin: So this is how my thought process works. And that's what people are going to resonate with versus if I try to pretend.
Sophia: Yeah.
Digital Minimalism and Finding Your Voice
Sophia: So I am a digital minimalist. I have been off social media for six years and I hate what social media has done to homogenize the way people think. Like even if you read YouTube comments, Reddit comments — if you look at anything, you see the same comment and the same style, the same word choice over and over and over. People are no longer able to think for themselves. And this is what I mean. There's this blandization of everything.
I think people are so used to saying everything online and then getting canceled for it — especially if you're a person of color, especially if you're female. You're not allowed to have opinions that don't go with what the current trendy opinion is. This is what blocks a lot of people from their voice coming out. I have to overcome this every time.
The second thing about reinvention, when I was thinking about this, is when I restarted my podcast and when I keep restarting — being myself. This last episode that I put out, I think was the most polarizing because I went back to being myself. And I did this because I received a whole bunch of subscribers from a summit presentation that I just did. And I'm so grateful. And I had such a good time doing it. And I was like, okay, I have to serve these subscribers. And I have to make sure they get what they came to me for.
I was taking so much time bending over backwards, like answering every single question they had left in the chat during the presentation that I didn't get to, and any questions that came my way — and people still unsubscribed. I was sitting here trying so hard to please these people that I don't even know. And every single time I sent something out, they still unsubscribed.
And I thought, you know what, if I'm going to get unsubscribers, I would rather go down in flames. I would rather get unsubscribes because I was myself unapologetically. Because in the end, these are the people who — this is my group, that I'm gonna tell when my book finally does come out. And if you can't handle one f-bomb, you are not gonna like my book. If you can't handle one comment about whiteness and racism, you're not gonna like a whole book that skewers the entire racial issue. You know, you're not going to be able to handle it.
And so if you can't handle me in a 10-minute podcast, you're not going to want to pay money for a 300-page book — unless you're a hater. I love haters because they give the best engagement. They constantly respond to terrible comments on your Shorts. And my YouTube is like going up because of them. So thank you, haters. Please keep on responding.
But that takes a lot of courage. And I am an extraordinarily sensitive person. I'm so sensitive. I cry — you can't show me like a Dodo video of somebody adopting a dog for five seconds. And you know, I cried this morning. Every little thing makes me cry. Literally. And so it's difficult to have to constantly overcome my internal fear, my sensitivity, and be like —
I made a promise to myself and to all the women and people of color out there that I would be brave so you can see what it looks like and so you could do it too.
Creative Advice from Ronny Chieng
I was also influenced by Ronny Chieng. I was telling you, I saw Hasan Minhaj and Ronny Chieng recently. I was watching a short of his where he said, as comedians, you have to be brave. And you have to just say it and you just have to face the consequences. I saw him live last year at Netflix Is A Joke — his whole theme was like, "Cancel me, cancel me." He would say something and scream "Cancel me!" And so I tried to embody that energy. He's kind of my spirit animal.
When I told you guys I hit rock bottom — I started my podcast when I was in that wheelchair because I was like, this is just — I can't. I need to just get out there. And so I was like, I can't get lower than this. I'm such a nobody at this point. I'm unemployable. I can't work anyway physically. I just started talking. I said whatever I wanted.
And I even landed a client for my college admissions coaching. And she was like, "I want you to help my son." I'm like, "You — you hear all the cursing I do, right?" She was like, "I want you to help my son." You know, and I helped him. I worked on his college applications and I tried to bring that back — that spirit of just leave it out there on the floor.
And so I used to say, you know, if this offended you, I'm sorry you resemble my comment because it's not me. If you're racist, that's on you. I didn't make you racist, you know? So that's your fault if you're offended by me calling things out. And I try to bring that energy to everything that I do. I'm getting these hearts and they're making me feel good because — a lot of rejection, a lot of validation. I am an elder millennial. I try to bring that energy of you just have to say it and face the consequence.
And how far can I go before I get canceled? Like every time I go, okay, can I push the envelope just a little further? What's one more cancellation I can get? What's one more unsubscribe? Who can I make unsubscribe today?
The Nature of Summits and Unsubscribes
Kevin: Yeah, I think it's so important, regardless of how you're doing your thing, is to be the most you that you can be. Because otherwise people are going to fall in love with the thing that's not you and you're going to resent yourself for doing the thing that people are like, "Oh, I like you for this." But you don't really like doing it. I think we talked about this a little bit during our conversation. If you don't like doing the thing, you're not going to want to do it. So I think if you're leaning heavily into being you, the people who joined you from that summit will be extra interested because they're like, "Oh yeah, this is definitely what I signed up for" — versus other people who were like, "Okay, I just came here for a manuscript" or whatever it might be.
Sophia: Yeah, I give really great freebies away. And I mean — those aren't — you don't only want freebie seekers on your list as well. You know, you want people who are genuinely getting something out of what you have to say and who you are.
Kevin: I was just going to say that I think if you happen to find yourself in a place where you go to these summits or you find a way to gain a lot of followers in any sort of thing — I think it's expected that many people will eventually fall off on those things. I don't care how good you are, what you do. People are just there to download something free and they're just going to leave. So I think regardless of what you're doing, if you're an author and you give something away, expect a bunch of those people to unsubscribe because they're just out there for the free thing. I don't think there's really a good way to cover those people.
Sophia Chang (24:08)
I love that. I love that advice, everyone.
